Since most strip clubs just exist to make less-than-sober men relinquish large sums of money so they can, if only for a fleeting moment, feel like they’re not associate financial consultants at mid-sized regional banks, they can be rather depressing places of business. But surely there are some that are great, that don’t make you feel like you’re doing something kind of creepy, where you can leave with your head held high… assuming you don’t run into anyone you know.
To help you find which ones fit that bill, our crack team of researchers made a big sacrifice and scoured the nation, from New York to LA, from Portland to Miami, to find the best places to watch women disrobe, and these are the top 21.
Los Angeles, CA
Someday you’ll be sitting in a movie theater, watching a big-budget Hollywood movie, and say, “Hey, I’m pretty sure that girl making out with Zac Efron danced for me one time.” At least that’s what the girl currently grinding on your gym shorts for $25 will have you believe, since every single dancer in this West LA strip hall is just doing this until she catches her “big break”. And while the words “playmate”, “model”, and “girl who’d make me piss myself before talking to in a club” will usually be said multiple times while sitting at the rail, the odds are a lot more likely her “big break” will involve starring in a film with a name that ends in “Volume 9”. Either way, though, great club!
Um, they’ve got a spaceship on the roof. Now if you read the news — or spend enough time in Tampa — it might have you convinced it’s also the way many of the local residents arrived in Florida, but you’ll definitely be convinced that the $25 you spend on a full-nude lap dance from girls almost-as-hot as the ones down the street at Mons is the best $25 you’ve ever spent in three minutes. In a spaceship. On the roof of a strip club. God bless, Tampa.
Most strip clubs’ menus are limited to warmed-over buffets and bad bar food. But most strip clubs aren’t owned by dudes who own ranches. And thus, at Portland’s famous Acropolis, you can score a 16oz T-bone — with potatoes and salad! — and a beer from a huge tap list, then eat it while you watch a woman fully disrobe. A foot from your blood-covered plate. Because the stages are also the tables. And because this place rules. Oh, and the brunch is good! There are naked women there too.
While there was a time when the idea of fine dining in strip clubs made about as much sense as selling fine wine at a NASCAR race, the folks at Alluvia in this high-end Atlanta strip joint were pioneers when they opened in 2002. In addition to having the most upscale club in the ATL — with the hottest dancers that won’t all be flocking to rappers, unless 3rd Bass is there, of course — Cheetah also boasts a restaurant where you can fuel up for a long night of g-string tucking and making it rain with the likes of blackened lobster with cheesy grits & fried okra.